No one lays hands on me!

This blog is not about my home but about an assault I suffered last Sunday so here goes.

I do not like gossip, but I understand how a story “gets around” so I have chosen to forestall the rumors and murmurs by being my typically blunt New England self.

Last Sunday, I was physically assaulted at Church by a man I did not know.  Deep breathe everyone – here’s what happened:  I arrived at the Church at about 1 pm and prior to going into the Chapel, I checked my Nursery room to see what needed to be done.  This is the usual case- we often have to set up chairs and tables prior to the meeting schedule.  I found a group of kids in the room, who refused to leave when I asked them to. I asked them twice, and finally one kid asked who I was (as if I had no right to be there) and I informed them I was the Nursery Leader and needed to set up the room.  They grudgingly got up (leaving their trash behind) and slowly left the room.  We (Michael, myself, and Sarah) began to pick up the trash left behind, and see if we had enough chairs and tables, etc… The door burst open and a man I had never seen before came into the room belligerently demanding I apologize for being rude to his kids.  I informed him that I needed to set up the room and asking his kids to leave wasn’t rude at all.  His dismissed this and kept haranguing me and began to use his quite large body (and considering how big I am, saying he was bigger gives you an idea of how vast he is!) to physically intimidate me and push me backwards.  Classic bullying technique I know.  My husband kept trying to step between us but the man had his body firmly pressed against mine (ugh I know :P )  and refused to back off.  I firmly put my hands on my hips and demanded he leave the room. “Or what?” Was his smirky response , mine was “or I will call the cops to remove you.”  (obviously my “gut” was telling me this man was dangerous), at that point my husband left the room to get a member of the Bishopric.  The man stopped pushing forward but kept haranguing me and I headed for the door—Sarah was in the room and I did not want him attacking her! He went into the hallway and I placed myself between him and the doorway into my nursery.  He kept haranguing me and began pushing against me again trying to force me backwards.  I placed my hand on my hips and refused to move.  He reached out to slap my face and I swept his hand away from my face and told him “No one lays hands on me you little f***er!” (yep Daddy was a WWII soldier and I swear like one when attacked!)  The man said “oh yeah”, and reached out and shoved me backwards as hard as he could.  He laid me out flat on the ground.  My right arm hit the midpoint of the wall against a wide wooden chair-rail and scraped along the burlap-like material of the wall. ( leaving, I am sure,  skin cells and some blood behind) and my head hit the closed wooden door very hard! I also landed very hard on my lower back on the cement floor. I do not remember standing up but I do remember being on my feet and screaming I have been assaulted and call the cops.  The man was rapidly trying to gather up his children and leave the building,  luckily my yelling stopped that – remember I still had no clue who my assailant was!  A Bishopric member (my ward) approached me and asked what happened – I showed him the visible scrape and growing bruise on my right arm and informed him I had been assaulted.  The man tried to excuse himself by saying “oh yeah? Well you used the f-word so you deserved it” I was having none of that and said “No one lays hands on me”.  The man then tried to accuse me of hitting him because I removed his hand from my face.  I eventually ended up in my Bishop’s office (after the man’s bishop wanted to “mediate” in his office) and insisted a crime had been committed.  I admit I was very over-wrought and not thinking clearly.   I was persuaded to call the cops “later” and was told his kids who witnessed it were not viable witnesses even though they were saying things like “he did not mean to shove you” and he “didn’t know his own strength.”  I did prevail upon my Bishop for the man’s name and address.  I was informed the man was removed from the building and he is a member of the other congregation we share our building with.  I did call the police and filed a report on Monday – it was very eye-opening so listen carefully:

1. If an assault happens, even without witnesses to the event, call the police immediately.  They will be the ones to ascertain who witnessed the event. My husband and daughter witnessed the man’s belligerency from the start and several people in the entryway heard his “excited utterance” that I deserved what he did to me because I used “the f-word”.  According to the officer I talked to, all were potential witnesses and the crime scene should have been examined for evidence (my DNA along the wall for one thing—a little luminal would have shown my trajectory) – in other words – allow the police at the scene to determine relevancy of evidence and witnesses.  I cannot reiterate this strongly enough.  Despite any “embarrassment” to others, organizations, etc…only YOU can protect your own rights and credibility.  Had I to do it over again the police WOULD have been called to the scene.
2. Calling in a report the next day drastically LOWERS the chances it will be investigated at all!  Doing it that way cast doubts on my credibility and my willingness to follow through.  I was told it will only be investigated if he already has a record, has had charges of violence dropped, and/or Child Protective Services has a file on him. I tried to convince the officer who took my report that I will follow through and will not succumb to pressure brought by anyone or any entity to drop the charges.  As I have stated before – NO ONE LAYS HANDS ON ME!  Being a blunt New Englander was a point in my favor.
3. No one has a right to lay hands on another person – there were no “fighting words” issued by me –I only threatened to call the police – which the officer said was a “reasonable response”- in other words if someone is trying to intimidate you, you have a right to call the police to remove the person.  All of my actions were purely defensive.
4. Go to a doctor to document your injuries and see if there are any “hidden” injuries.  I did this and discovered while my tailbone is not broken that they can see (there is talk of another X-ray or MRI to assess it), there has been a serious injury to my lower back from hitting the cement floor.  I have also gotten picture of my arm- which is looking pretty bad as the bruise develops.

It turns out I will have several medical expenses due to this assault. I already have had one doctor’s visit and X-rays.  Because of the damage done there will be more visits, X-rays, an MRI, possible medications (I don’t want to take pain meds if I can help it), physical therapy and even surgery. All out of my pocket, all because some man decided he wanted to assault me!  Because I did not report it at the time it happened I am unlikely to be compensated by any victim’s compensation funds. ( this is according to the officer I talked to)

So where does that leave me?  With a determination to not remain a victim!   Yes I was assaulted and I am being as proactive as possible.  I reported the crime (and yes that is what happened- a CRIME) and have gotten a doctor’s report.  I do NOT want to be fearful of going to church and being around other members (even those I do know) and made myself follow through on service project commitments (I must admit I felt better when I caught sight of a known ward member there) and even seek out opportunities for additional service to others.  I know the signs of trauma and believe me – being physically attacked at church (of all places) is very traumatic!   So I am moving forward, taking control of my response to what happened to me and not staying a victim.